Welcome to the website of Alcohol Health Alliance UK
Why?
Well . . . one or two of our friends in the anti-smoking asylum are gibbering at us because Nanny hasn't done nearly enough to spoil the fun of people who like a drink. Look at all the good works we've done, they say! 15 million smokers' lives made a misery by lies and propaganda! Even Hitler with his passivrauchen didn't get as far as us. And look at your pathetic attempts at denormalising alcohol! Why good grief you actually let them extend the licensing hours!
So we've made our minds up that something jolly well must be done before the anti-fat brigade get ahead of us. We've obviously copied some of the strategies of the anti-smoking zombies by putting health warnings everywhere and banning lots of advertising and things. We've wheeled on tame experts to tell everybody just how dangerous drinking is, and right now we're working up a really clever "passive drinking" angle. Even the nazis never came up with that one.
Now we've got the entire population terrified, infantilised and subdued we should be able to crack on a lot quicker than those silly old slowcoaches in the anti-smoking lobby. Seriously - look at the help they've had with cash handouts from government and the drug dealers who make that ghastly gum stuff.
So . . . what's next? Obviously a massive tax hike on alcohol . . . what about maximum daily allowances . . .hmmmm difficult to enforce of course, but we'll spend ten million on advertising and see if we can't just scare people into complying.
Er, what? They'll just laugh at us?
Well see here - we'll get the last laugh because when they get their ID cards they'll find they have to swipe them in the pub or off-licence and we can clamp them to whatever we want . . .3 units this year, two the next . . .and so on.
Where did we get these figures from? Oh - we just made them up.
You didn't expect us to be honest, did you?
Nobody expects the Alcohol Health Alliance to be honest!
PS . . . if you want the truth look here.